I don’t know what I’m doing…*insert nervous laugh*

Soooo, this blog is my way of trying to remember to dream. To matter to me. To pursue stuff. To create. In the midst of this giganormous undertaking called motherhood. Plus, I think I’m funny. A hoot actually, and I think you’ll enjoy my ponderings. Lol

Context: I had my first biological child (I have a beautiful bonus baby, and that’s another post, for another day) a few months ago. And I literally had no idea what motherhood, vulnerability, fear, mortality, joy was before her.

Motherhood be like, lol, me cursing myself out because I flushed the toilet too loud. Or, forgetting to set myself up for success when I get ready to feed her. I have to be sure to have a pacifier on hand when its bedtime, or my boob will be a hostage for the night. Lol. Even if she’s not hungry, she’ll just have it in her mouth. And randomly gnaw on it at her sleepy leisure.

Lol. Did I say I love her? Because I do. Immensely. And the most interesting part is that I never pictured myself as a mom, before her. Now she’s everything. She’s the “why”.

But I don’t want to get lost. I don’t want you to get lost either, in the roles and blessings you take on and are entrusted with. I see mothers who devote their entire life to their children, and I think there is a beauty in that. But that isn’t for me. I want to live my life WITH my children. I want them to know how to live and love and take chances and grow, because of me.

So I’m just gonna share this journey with you. And in doing so, I am hoping that I remember to be a me, even if it’s in intervals and spurts…when the baby is sleeping.